I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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