she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
