This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
