Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We were destined to go to rehab together
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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