i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
