: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Randomize
