I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
