ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
