I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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