Banned from zoo.
Again?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
