Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
