Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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