the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
