you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
