note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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