I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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