I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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