So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
