Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize