i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
