God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I said "one day" and that day is not today
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize