I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
