Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
