Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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