i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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