yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
