Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
