My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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