do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
