i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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