Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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