Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
