I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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