Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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