We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize