I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
