this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
