i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
As shirtless as possible
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
