Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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