Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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