Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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