The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
