like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Randomize
