Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
