I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just found puke in my bra..
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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