I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I had to cum in my sink.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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