we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Say something about gay babies.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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