We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
