he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
