Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
