Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
