I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
