Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I bet he comes in French.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have so many feelings about this burrito
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
