eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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