1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
