I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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