Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
