Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
