Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
