Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
