oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
