he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
