I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize