nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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