I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
