Where did you get a picture of my penis
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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