I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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