She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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