wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
