DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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