My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When are your genitals available?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
